“you need to join a church”

by monax

repost from PLAIN PATH PURITAN

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You need to join a church.

OK.

Just don’t join the Roman Catholic Church.

Got it. I understand that much.

Or any Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church.

Right. You have to drink Coke out of actual glass bottles in those churches.

Or any of the mainstream, ‘seven sisters’ churches.

Understood. Lesbians running the show there. New Age philosophy in place of biblical doctrine.

Also, stay away from the Pentecostal and charismatic churches.

No problem. Don’t want anyone washing my feet. Not that it would feel bad. Also, don’t ever want to have to pretend I can talk in tongues. Whatever that is.

Eastern Orthodox Church is not a good idea either.

They’re almost as bad as the Roman Catholic Church. Understood.

Also, there are a lot of weird legalist churches out there. Stay away from them.

Cultish.

There are also nutty ecumenical churches that don’t want to offend anybody but actual Christians.

I don’t like their happy talk, no problem.

And stay away from the mega churches.

Consumerism, worldly entertainment, health and wealth doctrine, impersonal…

As for Reformed stay away from the Federal Vision ones. They teach heresy.

I’m on to them. Don’t like them either.

Or the ones that want to turn the nation into a theocracy.

I see their barbed wire compounds, and I walk the other direction.

And don’t join any nutty house church operations.

They turn into dens of swinger sex usually.

OK. So… Join a real Reformed church. There, I said it.

You mean like Presbyterian? Isn’t that one of the ‘seven sisters’ mentioned above?

There are also churches with the name ‘Reformed’ in them.

Where they teach the heresy of Federal Vision?

Not all of them do.

How many churches are we left with here. What kind of number.

Probably six.

Are they regionally spread out at least?

I think their may be one within 650 miles of you.

Do they teach the unbiblical doctrine of infant baptism and use Bibles based on constructed ‘critical texts’?

Maybe we can find you a Reformed Baptist church. You might have to travel an extra hundred miles or so.

Do they use critical text Bibles?

Probably.

. .

It’s pretty much a mess, isn’t it?

Yes, it is. We can always be Grail Knights though…

. .

Posted by c.t. at 2/18/2013

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